Saw this on craigslist, thought you guys might enjoy.



“I don't know why, but lately I've become interested in role playing again (actually it's because I really like the cover art of one of the books). I'm 23. The last time I was interested in role playing I was 16. I'm looking for people to play with, and I'd rather play with girls over guys, because if it leads to sex, I'd prefer not to be gay. Not that I have anything against gay people. When I was in high school (I've never told anybody this before so it's deeply personal), I briefly spoke with a blue-haired gay man who was wearing finger armor. And we all know how cool finger armor is. Especially if it's endowed with magical properties. So I want a girl, but you don't have to play a girl character. In fact, I'll play a girl character if your male character is into that. For a Dungeon Master, you can just abuse me until I have multiple personalities, and we can relegate the task to one of them. They'll probably be better at it than me anyway, because all I can think about lately is making a science fiction campaign based on Dick Cheney, and it's not completely formed yet in my mind (give me a week or two).

I'm not tragically ugly or anything. I got out of the shower, and my room mate (female) said, ”If I was a gay man, I'd totally be all over you.“ So then I asked her, ”Well, then why aren't you?“ And she said, ”Well . . . because you don't put out, and we don't have sex. You're just a big dyke.“ And I guess that's kind of true. Most of the time I just want someone to hold/touch my head. But Craigslist doesn't have a section for that, so I get lumped in here with all the ads by buff guys who apparently don't own enough shirts. So let me make it clear. I have plenty of shirts. Band Camp. Latin Club. Physics Olympiad. They are good shirts. You can wear one if you want. Being a lesbian, I'll probably want to live with you pretty soon. I'm very independent, but I'm also addicted to estrogen, and I don't produce enough to survive on my own. Also, it's going to be really difficult to stay up all night raiding the Crypt of the Lich King on the phone. I'm nerdy enough without my head expanding from a cell phone tumor.

Our relationship will be totally hot. We can paint miniatures together. Naked. We can go to the gym and do crunches while pretending that we're actually struggle with leg shackles in the sub-basement of Lord Gastagoralamonte's Winter Death Palace. You can suck my dick, and I can shoot . . . magic missiles . . . all over your face. Of course, this is only after I've drank extensively from your wellspring of . . . everlasting mead. Well, that is if you eat lots of veggies. If you had a chili dog for lunch, we'll have to downgrade it to ale, but I'm flexible. We'll also do more platonic things like going to dinner and discussing whether near future or far future campaign settings are better. On weekends, we can sit together under a tree on a hot day reading. I've bought an extra player's handbook for you. The Sci-Fi RPG started in 1998 but was discontinued in 2000, so now the books are super cheap. You'll probably have to buy some polyhedral dice though unless you already have some. I only have one set, and I don't think it's going to be enough. As my girlfriend, your number one job would be to hug me and let me touch your butt. Your number two job is to tell me what to do and nag me if I fail to do it. We can add optional rules as we see fit. See, I've done this before. I've already accumulated a few hundred thousand experience points, playing in two different campaigns, each lasting more than two full Earth years. I'll be supportive of your interests and goals, but I'll also call you out when I think you're wrong. Of course, in the latter case I risk 3d12 of damage if you're on your period, but that's okay because I have an enchanted headband that specifically protects me from those attacks.

If you're fat, you have to at least give me a saving throw before we have sex. I kind of resemble the alien species Fraal (you can search on Google Images), except I'm significantly taller than the average Fraal, and I'm not particularly good at psionics. Despite the stereotype, I haven't lived with my parents since I was 18, I eat healthily, and I even regularly shower and work out. I'm well-educated and employed. In fact, you probably wouldn't even know that I was into Dungeons and Dragons if you met me. Especially since I don't even play World of Warcraft. What? Dungeons and . . . wagons? I don't know what you're talking about. I'm not into drama, and I'm interested in helping people, so you should be aligned lawful good. I'm very outgoing, and I work best with other people who are outgoing, so you'll need to have a Charisma score of at least 14. Really 16+ is preferable, especially if everybody is sober (-d4 modifier). I love dancing, but I'm horrible at it so your Dexterity score also needs to be like 10+ to get out of my way, or you Wisdom score needs to be lower than 12 so that you don't notice. If it's not apparent, I don't take myself seriously most of the time.”

Ah, finger armor…

…
(What exactly is that?)

At times that almost reads like a mad lib. “…because all I can think about lately is making a science fiction campaign based on __Dick Cheney__, and it's not completely formed…”

Anyway, the science fiction game system he's talking about is called Alternity. It is indeed out of print, does indeed have aliens called Fraal and does indeed have modifiers like -d4. (The fact that I was able to recognize a game system based off vague references in a personal ad makes me feel like the uber-geek. In a bad way.)

I

beholdsa
Anyway, the science fiction game system he's talking about is called Alternity. It is indeed out of print, does indeed have aliens called Fraal and does indeed have modifiers like -d4. (The fact that I was able to recognize a game system based off vague references in a personal ad makes me feel like the uber-geek. In a bad way.)

I was thinking that too. But its not really bad, just that odd trivial knowledge we all accumulate.

I'm proud to have never heard of it before.

And what is finger armor?

Stuff like this

So… stuff for Lord Sauron-wannabes?

NO WAY! Fingar armour is AWSUM! I wear it cause it makes everyone afraid of me, IM SO BAMF!

But seriously, I liked Alternity…